One of the strongest patterns in my expat research has nothing to do with the country, job, or visa.
I noticed that my research' participants who had moved multiple times often highlighted their relationship status during the move:
"Next time I moved with family, so it was completely different.”
“That time I moved alone, and that’s why it felt like...”
"Friends helped with paperwork and translation in the beginning."
Last time, we talked about why people move. Today, I want to look at something else that shapes the experience itself: the relationship context of the move. Or simply put – did they move alone, with a friend, as a couple, as a family with kids?
At first, these sound like simple categories. But it’s more nuanced. You might move “alone”, yet arrive as a student with a ready-made university community, or have that auntie living in the country, or a friend who moved earlier and already figured things out. So technically, you’re alone - or you make sure you are not.
Many said that they started builsing their connections. No surprise, as the people around us shape how we feel, how fast we settle, and how we make sense of the experience.
Does this mean people choose this in advance? Not really. No one said, “I heard moving alone is better, so I chose that.” But this insight still matters, because it helps you understand what’s happening – inside yourself, your relationship, your family.
So the question is not only “Where are you moving?” but also: “Who are you moving with – and what does that mean for your experience?”
Today we are starting with the first context = moved independantely.
What people said about the times they moved by themselves?
1. Moving on your own does not always mean being alone
Some arrive as students and immediately have a community, others have a friend who moved earlier, or extended family they can reach out to or live at their flat for the first month.
“University was very welcoming, so it didn’t feel like I was alone.”
“Friends helped with paperwork and translation in the beginning.”
And yet, even with that, many still describe the emotional feeling of starting from scratch.
2. At the same time, moving alone often means building everything yourself
There is no one to split big decisions with or share the rent cost. If you move on your own, you usually figure out things step by step by yourself. Sometimes you do things you've never seen yourself doing before the move.
“I was willing to take physical work before rebuilding my profession.”
"I went to the cinema on my own for the first time, because I wanted to see a movie and had no friends there."
3. Growing because “they had to”
For some, this becomes a defining moment in how they see themselves. Without familiar structures or people around, many describe becoming more independent and more confident, not because they planned it, but because they had to.
“I became more free and independant but also was dealing with lots of pressure all the time”
4. Connection also changes
When you move alone, relationships don’t just happen, they need to be created.
You learn how to make friends. People spoke about joining communities, finding activities, putting themselves out there more than they would have at home. It takes effort, but it often leads to more intentional connections.
“Even as an introvert, I had to learn networking.”
"I started reaching out online to other expats who lived in the city. Never done this before!"
This new behaviour was noted by people who moved as a couple or family too. But I’m noticing a bigger emphasis on being proactive in networking among those who moved on their own.
5. Freedom and responsibility seem to come together
Moving alone gives a strong sense of autonomy. Everything – decisions, mistakes, progress – sits with you. There is no one to carry things with you, and simply no one to help you bring the suitcase.
While some see this as a chance to be fully free, others say it was a struggle.
6. Perception and bias when moving alone
Some participants also shared experiences of misjudgment or feeling biased for travelling and living alone. There can be a fear of being seen in a certain way.
“As I was a single male, I felt no one would rent out a flat to me."
“As a woman moving alone, I was more cautious about how I present myself and where I go.”
7. Moving "from" not "to" – freedom from expectations
For some people, moving on your own is not only about where you go, but also about what you are moving away from.
There are societies and countries that put pressure on people, and sometimes on specific groups of people. For example, some women in my research noted that they moved from environments where they felt that pressure more strongly.
“I felt freer outside of the expectations I had back home. It helped me build a new version of myself.”
“There was a lot of pressure from family and society, and moving gave me space to live differently.”
“I wanted to experience something different, outside of what was expected from me.”
Finally, I notice that there is a shared sense of pride, and it is often seen as a personal achievement among those who have experienced relocation independently.
"It was hard, but I’m proud I managed it myself."
Tips if you are moving on your own and you want to make connections
When I asked for tips from experienced relocators, here’s what they said:
- Don’t be shy to ask that cousin or old friend for some initial support in the first weeks.
- Reach out to the local expat community and learn from those who have already moved there.
- Ask other expats very specific questions – don’t just ask, “How do you find life here?”
- There are now groups and apps specifically created to help you find friends, such as expat communities in your country or city.
- What I keep hearing is that people who moved alone rarely say it was easy, but many say it was defining.
Expat Research: previous articles
Article 1. What stays behind getting a one-way ticket and moving countries
Let's discuss ❔
If you have experience of moving abroad on your own, share what was your experience?
What tip you'd give to someone who is planning a move on their own?
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